You Are Wrong

Hello fellow followers of Exploratory Surgery. This will be my first post for this blog, and I was hoping to make is special and meaningful, but that all went straight to hell when I was perusing the likes of MetalArchives.com when I had a small conniption. What caused me such great pause and anguish you may ask? He is my new arch-enemy. His name: Darth_Roxor. His job: trolling ass-wipe.

I was just browsing the depths of my favorite metal site, looking up bands I already liked, to see some general information. I happened to be looking at Devin Townsend, whom I like to believe is generally accepted as a “cool dude” in the metal community. I was specifically looking up the Devin Townsend Project, that has released Ki and Addicted!, two spectacular and mind-blowing albums in my opinion. The motherfucker in question gives Addicted! a 20%. Who the fuck does that. Addicted! has culminated 6 reviews including this douchebag’s, and the other 5 reviews average to OVER A 90%! How does this guy get off scoring such a fantastic album so poorly?

Sadly, I have no answer. I only know that he thinks he is “the shit”, when clearly; his time is taken up finding material people like and liberally shitting upon it. I mean, if five other people give this album more than a 90% approval rating, then we can just assume Darth_Roxor is wrong. I mean, his opinion shouldn’t count; it’s not even on par with anything similar. Clearly, he is simply wrong.

“Oh, but Justin, music is subjective, there is no right or wrong answer.” Shut the fuck up, there is. And I bet the people telling me there is a right and wrong in music are listening to Suicide Silence right now and blindly calling it metal. If you have heard Addicted! and have remembered to take the cotton out of your ears and have half a pulse, the album scores an easy 50% off the bat. I personally think the album warrants a score somewhere in the upper 80’s. It takes a special kind of bitter and wrong asshole to troll great music like this.

Darth_Roxor, go away. Nobody learned anything from your opinion. You are wrong. Kindly, go die.

-Brute-

Battle Magic!

"mmmmm Satanic...."

Black metal is the most underground metal subgenre. There are probably people who object to that, but I would like to think that it's undisputed. Clearly, the metal genre that has never broken into the mainstream would be the most underground, right?

A genre which contains themes that would make a devout christian family man vomit. Anti-Christianity (gasp!), nihilism, paganism, satanism, things like that. But what confuses me is how the genre can be so diverse, yet still retain all of the negative stereotypes that a few artists have generously obtained.

Here's an example. You have Burzum, one of the most infamous black metal artists, whose lyrics detail the events of Lord of the Rings. Yet Varg Vikernes, the sole member of Burzum, was linked to a string of church burnings and the murder of a fellow black metal musician. This is perhaps the most infamous and well known event that has given black metal a bad image. You also have Faust, former member of black metal band Emperor, who brutally stabbed a gay man in a park. Of course, since he was in Emperor, it was black metal's fault that he was a homicidal maniac. My point is why does black metal have to take the bullets for the misdeeds of a few dumb ass musicians? Of course you have some national socialist black metal bands, who promote nazi themes in their music. You also have the anti-christian bands who promote, ironically, anti-christian themes in their music. But do these bands represent the genre as a whole?

Let's look at the other side of black metal. You have bands like Bal-Sagoth, whose lyrics deal with completely asinine fantasy themes. I wonder if you can tell by their ridiculously titled song "The Dark Liege of Chaos is Unleashed at the Ensorcelled Shrine of A'Zura Kai (The Splendour of a Thousand Swords Gleaming Beneath the Blazon of the Hyperborean Empire Part II)?" What about the extremely light and relaxing bands whose themes deal with nature and the world? Why is that so bad? I guess what I'm trying to say is, people are really fucking stupid.

By the way, that Eclittica album is very good. You can download if free from their Myspace page so definitely check it out.

"Honour. Commended no longer as virtue.
Yet, shalt be extolled by light's demise."

Iced Earth 2.0

Sons of Liberty Album Dated

Jon Schaffer, mid-orgasm thinking of "The Flag"

I like Iced Earth, but Jon's constant verbal vomit, spewing forth patriotic bull shit is starting to wear thin. Now he's attacking the American banking system, but on behalf of the common people. What a fucking saint. Pfft. Is it too much to ask for some standard sex, drugs and rock 'n roll trite? Still, SoL looks like it will keep me going 'til the new Demons & Wizards album comes out.

... Against the Grain

Agalloch is a group that you should never overlook. Their most recent release, "Ashes Against the Grain", almost perfectly describes their music. Against the grain...

You will never find a bigger fan of the cheesy folk metal bands - Ensiferum, Korpiklaani, Finntroll, and some Trollfest thrown in for good measure. But sometimes it's nice to have a band play that style in a serious manner. But calling Agalloch folk metal is a serious understatement. Black metal, doom metal, and even a few post-rock elements make up this band's complicated style. Plus this band pretty much bleeds nature. The special edition of "Ashes Against the Grain" came in a wooden box, with some pieces of bone in it!

But that album isn't nearly their best effort, I would have to choose "The Mantle" to take that award. It's perfect in every conceivable way, right down to the clicking sound found in "The Lodge", made by the vocalist beating on a deer skull.

This album truely is a masterpiece, and if you are a fan of folk metal, doom metal, black metal, post-rock, neo-folk, or even progressive metal you would have to be out of your mind not to own this album. It's got everything you could want and more in an album. Melancholic black metal influenced passages, melodic acoustic guitars, clean vocals and the occasional black metal shriek that reminds you that you are listening to metal and not some people living in the forest who had never been in contact with civilization.

If anything, get The Mantle, which I will gladly assist you with. If you love it (which you'd better) then buy it and support this group, because you don't get music like this from Lady Ga Ga.

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"I will die and no one will remember me..."

David Should Be Pissing His Pants...

...because this Goliath won't fall so easily.

"The Goliath" by Orgone Review 

Technical death metal is an insidious style of music to play, as finding the delicate balance between technical excellence and songwriting nirvana is a feat few achieve. You have only to look (with pity) at the likes of The Faceless to realise the margin for error is miniscule, and when it goes bad, it turns into an audio nightmare to rival nu-metal.

Bands who succeed then, especially with the aplomb and panache Orgone have done, should therefore be cherished. Indeed, “The Goliath” is a record to be adored.

Fueling this behemoth is Steve Jarrett, an axeman with a unique approach. On first impressions, he seems for all the world a man intent on masturbating his guitar to within an inch of its life: noodling along with nowhere to go. Listen closely though, and you’ll discover a pattern: an unfurling array of melodic rifforama, constantly moving forward, but always with a direction in mind. Perhaps of more import is the evolution he allows his songs to undergo, sprawling into mammoth post metal art: lush melodies that clash and intertwine with the expected weight of the riffs, a dynamic that brings something fresh and distinctive to what is fast becoming a stale scene. Isis would be proud. Typifying this best is album closer, “Vomited Hyacinths (First Act of Beauty)”, an eight minute masterpiece, starting with a shimmering intro, moving into a maze of razor sharp licks and climaxing into dense, epic harmony.

Backing this genius up is Justin Wharton, a meat and potatoes drummer, but this works to the bands advantage, leaving Jarrett to take centre stage. However, I can’t help but wish that they had a superior bass player. Andrew Ransom never makes his presence felt, detracting from the experience, especially when someone like Dominic Lapointe could have woven his considerable talents around the music with grace and elevated the album to even dizzier heights. As vocals go, Christian Senrud is pleasing, though nothing to write home about, performing an adequate job of mixing death grunts with Aaron Turner-esque growling.

Taken as a whole, the band gel into a mechanism that runs smooth as silk, creating something inimitable and praise worthy, blending everything that is distinguished about technical death metal with post metal/sludge, evoking atmosphere and emotion in a sub-genre known for its clinical detachment. If you’re willing to spend some time with “The Goliath” you will be handsomely rewarded.

4.5 Dodgy Foreign Surgeons Out Of 5 

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